It All Started With a Red Stripe...

I’ve decided to take another prolonged break from studying to do some other types of research. I know I’m already doing research but in all honesty I care much more about the kind I am about to embark on over the next ten minutes.

It has occurred to me over the past few years that when I listen to music it ignites something inside me, something deep, something substantial. This something is hard to find words for, as you I’m sure may have already noticed. But it’s a dynamic part of who I am. It’s one of the reasons I’ve decided to commit to playing the guitar because there is a part of me, an earnest and sincere part of me, that can no longer express what my heart longs to scream on the end of a pen. I love writing and during different times it is the only outlet for my thoughts and prayers that will do. But there is some sort of mystery that music contains that I can’t explain…

For example, how do I explain the times when a certain song about nothing and everything can poetically put into sound my exact feeling, thoughts, and even my actions?

How can a song that is so openly devoted to a love for another person somehow captivate a piece of my heart for my Lord?

How can a story about a drummer from a particular band’s last performance bring me to tears when I heard that the band turned around and played the last song facing him, looking into his eyes as they held memories open during that euphoric last few notes?

How is it that when I find myself alone in my room with a pair of white plastic discs over my ears, I feel as though I can fly. I feel as though I am invincible. I feel as though I never want to leave.

How is it that when I hear a twenty second clip of a certain song I get motivated to the point of running until collapse. I don’t even know what they are saying in the song, but I do know what it does to my insides. They speak the same language.

I recently went on a trip to Portland to watch my new friend Tom Delong play some notes on his guitar. It was fantastic in a whole assortment of ways. But over the twenty-hour trip there, I was crammed in a vehicle with four other guys who understood what I am talking about above. We laughed, we cried, we screamed, we whispered, and we most certainly played a mean air guitar.

Music was our mode of transportation.

I ask my folks all the time if they “hear” that when I play them a song. They return blank empty looks and reply politely, “yes”. They miss it. It’s not their fault and it’s not a bad thing either. It’s just something that’s not inside them.

I’m tempted to quote the sports drink commercial here and ask my question in a way that will be parallel to shameless promotions, but instead I’ll end off in a slow, tapered like way and ask…

Do you hear what I hear?

No Mr. Mcgough I Will Not Answer the Phone!

After a long and torturous Statistics exam, I had it in my mind to start studying for my next exam; Economics. Why would anyone think that! On second thought, why not curl up next to my guitar, learn a few things about it – like how to make it sing - and watch a movie! In honor of Cloverfield, I think I will take the latter.

Over the past few days I found myself in a number of precarious positions, all which occurred at different moments and all internally. How easily I find myself floating on a cloud being cavalier only to be followed moments later by strangling doubt about who I am. It has become fascinating to me how faithful the Lord is in lifting us up. Every time I’m attacked by this ridiculous anxiety, I ask myself when the last time I made purposeful room for Him in my life was.

It seems I always allow the Lord to find me, when my life seems to be moving along at a decent clip. I am oh so thankful for all He does for me, and for who He is, and I most certainly thank Him for the good times and the fantastic sunshine – which is nowhere in sight in this moment – but I never actively seek Him out to spend time with Him.

It’s like those friendships - which I know none of us have - that involve one friend doing all the work, one friend pulling the weight of two people. I would go so far – it’s not really that far – to say that those sort of friendships are not that, but mere acquaintances.
A perfect example of that can be found in my house at around 5 pm most weekdays when the phone rings. And when I don’t answer it, it rings again two minutes later. And then again, two minutes later. And then again two minutes later. You’re wondering why I am not answering the phone, and it’s because I don’t have the energy to answer once again, that I don’t have Nathan’s cell phone number. If you’ve been to my house in the past year you know what I’m talking about.

But how often do we live in a one-way relationship with the Lord? How often do we find ourselves in a wonderful state giving glory to the Lord with our words, but never take time to thank Him intimately, giving Him more than a moment in our colorful lives.

I for one will admit I do not give Him enough time, especially when my life seems to be going well. But I do want to remedy that. And how do I go about doing that? By simply doing it. By being conscious that He deserves more of my day. By cutting out perhaps one period of a playoff game, start with the second, and go spend that twenty minutes giving purposeful praise, thanks, and honor to the Lord.

So what am I waiting for? Another whistle? Nope, I think I’m going to try and start this habit now…

Kenny Always Said...

I sit here restless.

Looking over pictures, reading notes, and waiting for more videos to be uploaded, I’m soothed by the words Mr. Kensrue that have found their way to repeat, “fly over me.”

He’s right you know, months do fly by. As I reflect over even the past four months of my own life I am looking at many different people from start to finish. I mean I - or he for the sake of clarity – is the same person, but he’s a little different same person.

I look back and find different life changing moments, some hard some easy, but all of them necessary.

Four months.

How many more times am I allowed to look back and reflect over four months?

If I could lay out my dreams, my goals, and most of all my perspective on life, there would be a dramatic difference between what was then, and what is now.

And yet the roots never change.

Hope. Dreams. Restoration. Belief.

It’s interesting how in four months I feel the most human I have ever felt, and that is the most relieving feeling. I think it feels like home. Home; a place where we love to invite friends, forget to clean, am blessed to have, and is forever moving.

No need to hide. No forced smile. Honest responses. Not that those things were plagues in my life prior, but they definitely found themselves as retro buttons on my black velvet jacket.

"You will spread your wings one day. Fly over me."

Dustin really does now how to express himself.

"Fly over me."

Let’s learn to fly.

I want to fly forever.

Meet me there?

The Great(er) Awakening…

We

Dream of ways to break out of this rut we do not even know we’re in
Need more than what we have been shown
Long to breathe a breath of air that could very well be our last
Take nothing for granted
Want to stand alone in the crowd without feeling isolated
Want the crowd to become family
Need to speak our minds, but more importantly our hearts
Are learning to conquer to fear that comes along with that
Have designed a way to follow Lion to see where he got his courage from
Are going to tell everyone how to get there
Do not want to waste any more time on our own
Know there are too many others who need to have time wasted on them
Cannot do it by ourselves
cannot do it alone
will not walk forward without one another
Understand that things take time
Also understand time is not what we have a lot of
Were born weak and we will die weak
We know that is how it’s supposed to be

We have a secret:
We’ve found hope
We have a secret:
We’re pulling ourselves together
We have a secret:
We’ve seen our destiny, and we’re going to live it out
We have a secret:
Our own selfishness is no longer worth it
We have a secret:
It’s inevitable, it can’t be stopped
We have a secret:
He won’t be stopped,

Secret’s out.

The Crazy Ones - Part One

I remember watching the Antiques Roadshow and thinking to myself that there is a lot of stuff out there that people are willing to pay a great price for. Take for example the old tin toys that can fetch a price tag of one hundred dollars or more! The next time I go to a garage sale I will keep my eyes open for those little treasures.

Economics 201 will teach you that the price or cost of an item is “what you are willing to give up in order to attain it.” So if we look closely at the pants some of us are wearing we would be willing to give up $350 for them. We would give up 35 hours of work at $10 an hour for those pants. When I think of the cost of things in terms of hours of work I begin to gain some perspective. I think about cars, homes, boats, clothes, movies or music and all those other material positions that we cannot do without. That’s a lot of time devoted for things that will go to waste.

What about some of the things that money cannot buy? Should we call Mastercard® for their list? What comes to mind; freedom, time, friends, love? All these things are considered priceless, but what would they be worth if you could buy them? Would you give your house, your family, or even your life? Think of some of the movements in the past that have revolved around these concepts. World wars were fought in the name of freedom, there were movements to end slavery, for equality between men and women, races, and while not more recently but definitely more ‘noticed’ now, the end of poverty.

I have been thinking about that list for sometime – the things that money cannot buy and their costs – (feel free to add to it) and then I considered my faith.

Being a Christian in North America, the notions of suffering or sacrifice are virtues all but lost among me, and in my own observation I think we have things pretty good. We can have our cake and eat it too I suppose. I can worship the Lord and be forgiven consistently every week, and then look after my own success and image for the remainder of the week. But what is the cost, the worth?

Have you ever heard the words “the Gospel is a free gift?” Have you ever urged someone to take the step of faith to accept Jesus Christ assuring them that their life will be ‘better’ and that it will ‘cost them’ nothing? I know that I have, and I am now beginning to see things quite differently.

I went on a search in the Book of Life for examples of people paying a price for their faith. The names like Davis, Joseph, and Samson come to mind. My good friend Abraham gives me the most terrifying view of the cost of his faith. He waited years for the Lord to work a miracle in his life, the birth of his child Isaac from his barren wife Sarah. And after He was true to His word, he asked for Abe to give it (his dream come true - his son) back to Him. I have no idea what Abraham’s thoughts might have been as he wrestled through these the outcomes of his own obedience, but for some reason in the end He submitted himself to the fact that his God had spoken, and he was going to be obedient to His voice. That He was worth it.

Why?

We're All Infected...

In recent days I have been diagnosed with a illbess upon my own observations. It’s not the same kind of sickness as Typhoid fever, or Ebola, but I see it as just as deadly. In actuality this is a disease that we all have common. You may have heard of it, it’s called common sense.

You may be wondering why I am putting the term common sense in the same ward as a life taking disease, and the obvious reason is just that – I see them giving the same results.

Once again I will caution anyone who reads this to remember that my observations are all based off of my observations within the church in North America, and so any critique I may give applies directly to myself and the part of the body that I am acquainted with, but goes no further than that unless you are willing to diagnose yourself and your current situation, I suggest you do.

When I read the stories contained in the Bible I find myself getting pulled into a world where the priorities are on the Lord and His will, where nothing else matters. The concept of having a ‘right’ to something seems so distant. (Perhaps that made it easier for those in the Bible – who are no different than ourselves – because they had no desire to ‘discover who they were’ and ‘individualism’ most likely a foreign idea when laid beside the foundation it seems to play in our contemporary society.)

I read so many stories about wild faith; a man climbing a mountain to sacrifice his own son, a young boy taking on a giant with six rocks as his weapon. A man who was asked to lay on his side in front of a city for an extended amount of time. What about a man who built a huge boat big enough to contain all the animals in the world? There was that one guy who went parted the Red Sea. And then there were those three guys who found themselves in the middle of a fire, yet were not burned.

These are all stories from the Book of Life. I think to myself what my own thought process would be if I thought I were being asked to do that from the Lord and my immediate thought would be “No way, that’s crazy, it doesn’t make sense to do that.”

Well Greg, given your examples above it doesn’t seem that God is all too interested in ‘making sense’, it seems he’s more interested in obedience. Perhaps an uncommon obedience?

What must I do to rid myself of this ‘safe’ manner of thinking? I am so concerned with giving the least and getting the most for it that I often feel contaminated and useless.

Father I long to give you my life, but this pride is so strong that it gets in the way of Your words. Help me to see with Your eyes and to trust completely. Lord may you release us all from the barrier of common sense so that we will be willing to adventure with You. Remove this common sense so that Your will is done on Earth as it is in heaven.

I’m tired of being safe. I need to stop thinking about my own safety. I need a cure.

On a side note, I forbid anyone including myself in using this note as a document that justifies irresponsibility. There is a difference. The idea of doing something ‘uncommon’ because we think the Lord has asked us to is different than doing whatever we want because we are ‘punishing the man’ that is common sense. God gave us a brain, and we need to use it. Just don’t let it ‘out think’ what He is whispering to you in your heart.

Why Do I Do It?

I have been wrestling with numerous thoughts over the past month, and I intend to spill some of them here. Let me remind you that none of these are conclusions, just observations and thoughts that I am giving some attention.

What have I been saved from? I have heard the good news, about how He saved me from hell, how He died on the cross for my sins, and how we will live forever in heaven. Yet it’s this idea of grace that seems to baffle me. I am struggling with the idea of living a life for Christ that is without caution; a life that would demonstrate to the rest of the world and myself, the truth contained in God’s word. Yet what is holding me back? What keeps me shackled in place and reminds me that what I live right now is safe and altogether good?

A few Friday’s ago I had the chance to attend a gathering of fellow believers and witnessed as we all bled our hearts before the Lord, giving Him praise for the good He’s done in our lives. And then, when the service was over, we marched our designer tee’s and dry denim pants to the local restaurant to eat our fill as we enjoyed the rest of the evening.

My struggle comes in the form of my safety. How easy is it to worship God and praise His name for the blessings He’s giving me, and then turn all the focus back on myself as soon as I leave the building? Because what I am starting to realize is that in many ways, I love my faith because the way I live it - and the way it is presented to me- it seems nothing is required of me.

I think back in my brief life of all the struggles and hardships, and while there were some, for the most part I come up empty handed. And so I pray a prayer that is supposed to grant me eternal life, and then I am in. The idea of giving up anything for that gift is put off to the side, because after all it’s free right? At least that’s the way I have presented it to others.

And so as I watch my faith crumble in the eyes of North Americans I am left wondering where I went wrong. And at this moment I think it is the idea of grace. In my North American upbringing I have been given more than the rest of the world in almost every way, and when the idea of suffering comes along it is very much a foreign concept.

Another reason why my faith seems appealing, because God promises to take care of me.

But what grinds me even more, is the fact that I actually have believed the lie that I am good, or perhaps that I am not that bad. I have never physically murdered, been an adulterer, and I often open the doors for other people. And while I know I am struggling to communicate my innocence, the question rises up, “what have I been saved from?”

I am so thankful for the Lord saving me from hell, but in all honesty do I really believe I would have gone there in the first place? My society tells me to be an individual, to express who I am, and to take care of myself. Survival of the fittest. And the natural progression of this mindset leads me to the belief that I am my own god.

If we really dig deep and think hard, we will look around and see that our contemporary faith in North America seems strangely lacking to the claims of Christ. Where is this life changing faith Jesus of Nazareth seemed to live out so flawlessly? Why is Christianity seen as such an ‘evil and ignorant religion’ in the eyes of today’s society?

The hardest question that I see standing before me is, why do I not see a visible example of someone taking up their cross daily. Why isn’t someone out there displaying Christ in His manifest power?

The conclusion I come to is this; there is no need to risk anything for the sake of the gospel because we do not understand what we have been saved from. And without that recognition of being saved, that realization of His glory, then we will refuse to give up anything. If it costs me something, the only reason I am going to pay for it is if I believe in it.

Now I need to ask myself, do I truly believe in Jesus? And if so, how would I do in the circumstances of Abraham? Because, if what He says is true, the costs of following Him in my life are going to be just as great.

And if that’s the case, I am going to be needing a lot more convincing before I start giving up what I cherish so much; my safe, comfortable, nice, and completely lifeless religion that serves ME so well.

It’s time for a change, but it’s so hard to believe it…

So hard…

Over Coffee and a Vacuum...

I have been, for a long time now, taken a break from writing any sort of thoughts, choosing to instead lay dormant. I found myself unmoved to write and unwilling to look for the inspiration that is necessary to put words on paper. That is, until I had some coffee that fateful Sunday afternoon.

I was out with some friends for dinner one September afternoon, and after deciding that I could not afford a meal to warm my belly, decided to go with the world renowned cup of java to loosen up my bones. It was over this meal that many topics were placed in front off the audience for conversation, most of which pertained to the subject of sports; specifically the Red Sox ability to consistently loose focus before going into the playoffs. But as things normally do when a group of Christians go out for a meal, the conversation shifted to discussing things about the church, and well as per usual mainly things that frustrated people about the church. In the midst of the regular mumbo-jumbo that we all (myself included) spew out about the church there was a debate on going about people who make differences in the world, namely Bono. What was being argued was that on one side people wanted to believe that the man really did make an impact on this world, while the other side demanded evidence; which of course in a conversation of this magnitude – dinner with friends- none could be presented.

After we were all finished, I scurried on home to help clean the house for the company we were having that evening, and found myself with a firm grip on the vacuum. Now I do not know about you but I find that in those moments when I am doing nothing more than grooming the carpet that my mind drifts to the outer regions of nowhere and an opportunity for deep thinking presents itself.

And there it was, Bono, our hero - the man whom Scotty Dean would probably call a saint if you gave him the microphone. Now I am not really interested in whether or not you think Bono has done good in the world – but I think you are foolish to say that he has no influence – and on the same hand I am interested.

It occurs to me that we as Christians think we are in need of a leader. We long for that hero to show us how to live our lives, to take us out of our lukewarm beds and show us what ‘making our faith real’ is all about. And so we search all over the world in search of this person who meets a billion other people’s prerequisites of what a good leader should be. And we then inevitably find ourselves sitting over dinner claiming that the millions of dollars raised, and countless lives that have been altered by a suggested hero, does not quite cut it.

And then, during the back stroke of the vacuum that groomed that rug oh so well, I realized that we were not really looking for a hero, we were looking for Jesus. Think about it. How many times have I found someone who longed for change, a willing leader who was asking me to follow him or her, how many times have a critiqued one of them about; their hair, social drinking habit, poor choice of words, oral communication, poor planning, children, or any number of things. We consistently find a way out of giving ourselves to a cause because the leader of that cause, or even the cause itself is flawed?

We want a real, live, PHYSICAL display of Christ to come and show us what needs to be done, and how to do it, because those words in the Bible that are so often misinterpreted do not seem to be cutting it. And frankly, I know what they say, but let me see you live them out in perfection, and if you can do that then I will follow you. But until then, I am going to sit here in my – you name it; alcoholism; promiscuity; apathy; arrogance; - selfishness feeling sorry for myself and frustrated with the church.

We are selfish, and I will be the first one to admit it. I want Jesus to come here and show me what to do. I do not want to have to try and forgive that person, or clean pu my lifestyle, because is that really what He wants? He says yes she says no. So we say screw it, and until some one turns this grey world into something black and white I will not budge from pleasing my every selfish desire.

We don’t get a fleshly Jesus. And even if we did would it really fix things the way we think He would? He has given us each other, this broken and beat down fellowship of believers called the church. That’s are hero. Kind of a let down isn’t it? Here’s the thing the church was never made to function with one hero. It was made so that each one of us could play our part – whether that part that we play receives the credit we deserve or not – and together in wholeness minister as Jesus, in many ways never could. We need to stop being bitter and calling down those in leadership who have the courage to try and consistently fail, and back them up, playing our role, and give them the influence and support that we all need to succeed. Because I am sure you could look around and see that the church is not what it was supposed to be.

Good thing there is still hope. We’ve got time to make a difference, time to destroy our apathy and take up our roles. We just need to make sure that we somehow use the grace and the humility that’s freely given from Him and work together to make a difference. We are all broken; so let’s use each other’s pieces to fill in our holes.

Let us be heroes.

If It’s Funnier Than It Is Wrong Do It…

The preceding statement was at one point a staple of how I lived my life. Now some years later, it is something that I want nothing to do with. I have been a witness to many a funny thing in my day – in no way am I myself claiming to have what someone might call a humor bone – things from the outbursts of an off the wall comment, to the fluorescent light battles that seem all to common in our cities back alleys. But what I have seen is the destruction of myself and my fellow comrades spiritual growth a different points in our walks through this very concept of humor.

My findings have been this; we as Christians seem to in an overall sense do quite well when it comes to living out our faith in public. We do not cuss, we are polite, we will even drop a five dollar bill into a buskers basket once and a while (I once saw a man playing buckets full of glass, and he was good, how can you not support that kind of talent?) and of course there is always a smile on our face. But follow that same Christian home, and over to his friends house for a party – were talking about Christians, so a party is the concept of hanging out in the same house where nobody has any idea of what to do prompting everyone watch a movie, probably a new one where everyone will fall asleep, missing any and all memorable moments – and things tend to shift. If you listen closely you will hear a certain familiarity come out, a certain comfort with the crowd.

In my own experience I have heard many a crass word, joke or conversation, most often within the group of my Christian friends. In fact I have seem a number of people get frustrated with the amount of personal attack, racial jokes, sexual discussions, and sarcasm. It’s as though we leave out faith at the door and let out everything we keep covered throughout the day. I kid you not I have walked into a setting where a group of males who were being trained to be evangelists were living; by the time I left that that building some 10 minutes later I had vomited on the road from the amount of homosexual talk and actions taking place. But if it’s funnier than it is wrong do it right? Of course there was a lot of ‘humorous’ shock value that brought this kind of awkward smile to our faces. Why is Jackass so popular? Shock value; where else would you see a man thrust a fish hook through his cheek and go fishing with himself as bait in shark infested waters?

I have also come across a number of people whom are either new to their faith or not well founded in their faith, who are lost on the idea of people acting like that. “I can’t tell them from my non-Christian friends,” “My friends who aren’t saved have better morals than my Christian friends.” It has even come to the point where I am finally hearing people questioning their faith on the very basis that they see people following other faiths or no faith at all, living better lives than their Christian friends. This is not an attack to say separate yourself from the world and circle the wagons as it were, but it is a call to plead with you to live your faith without compromise at every moment of your life. Again I’m only stating these thoughts out of frustration from my own life, my own experience to get a laugh – which even with shock value seemed to get me no further. Perhaps a book on humor… How can you be leading someone to the Lord one moment and the next moment be engaged in a mocking display of sinfulness? I plead with myself and those whose sarcasm leads them to a place of comfort in sin, to step up and live a life of no compromise, whether your in public or private, because either way God sees our actions.

I Think My Individualism Has Betrayed Me…

How often is it that we walk down a street as were window-shopping, glance in the mirror and secretly think to ourselves, “hey I look pretty good”? When we check out our attire we see that were sporting our own look, which no one else has modeled (yet), were living on our own in a nice apartment around the corner chalk full of the newest IKEA products. We also have a cell phone full of the numbers of all the people we have met on our extroverted excursions. It is a wonderful world living on our own, freedom to do what we please, and no one to tell us what to do. Although after living two years
This individualism transfers quite easily to our faith as well. We go to our local church and sing our songs that praise the Lord from the viewpoint of I, “I will worship you God, only you God” (Although I do notice a shift taking place). And while these things are not necessarily unacceptable things, because as many people can serve as examples, they live wonderful lives unto the Lord, I would suggest that there is more to be had. These same people can be seen on street corners preaching, homeless shelters handing out food, outside of certain movement protesting against something that they consider wrong. And what happens the majority of the time? We leave feeling better about ourselves having done something to fight against the social injustice that we are oppressed by. We, as in ourselves, and only ourselves.

This is where this idea of individualism that I have wholly embraced kills me; I cannot do it on my own. Now I know you are thinking that I’m about to tell you that we need God to do it for us – and we do – but my point is that we need each other. We do not need hundreds of millions of Christians each doing their own things – while they are still 3good things yes – but when we try to accomplish stomping out hunger in our cities on our own we can only do so much. Imagine if all the churches in a city gathered together in one voice to collectively tackle a problem, whatever it is, and imagine the impact form that. The Sr. Pastor of the Mars Hill church (not Rob Bell) in Grand Rapids approached his mayor and asked him what his church could do for the city because he had an army of 10 000 people longing to bless where they are needed. We need this kind of action in our world.

We are a body, and if each part of the body tried to be a body itself, we will do nothing except for immobilize this body, rendering it useless. God himself said that we could accomplish anything if we work together, read it in the story of the Tower of Babel in Genesis; “Nothing will be impossible for them.” (NLT). We need to work together to stomp out issues and stand united against issue, but more importantly, for issues; instead of just throwing money at a problem, or only praying – again these are good but by themselves can be limiting - because faith without works is dead. Someone, somewhere has to be the answers to those prayers, so why not out ourselves in the position to be used to accomplish it? So get together, work together, lay down your selfish desires, and long to corporately live out your faith, and truly see change in your world – You’re not alone.

Even When It Hurts…

I long to be in control…of everything. I try and plan my life out to the most intricate detail, hoping and sometimes genuinely believing that things will work out as I had planned. My problem then lies with my innate ability to always ask the Lord to have His way in my life, and to do as He wills, because it is the thing I ultimately desire.

A tension perhaps?

My goodness it can be so frustrating to leave things in His hands, and it’s only frustrating because I obviously want things to be my way. It’s quite the challenge to trust him with everything. I find myself thinking about this or that often to the point of anxiety, and anxiety that that interrupts my sleep. I long to have the desires of my heart, I also long to know where He is guiding me, for Him to define and color in these passions that seem to be bursting at my rib cage.

Yet things don’t go as planned, they never seem to…ever. But in the midst of my struggle with control over my life you’ll find me with a smile on my face – (because for one thing I think I smile in my sleep but even more so) I’ve begun to learn that even when it hurts, the Lord is good. This seems to be my theme for this season I’m walking through, having many wonderful things cross my mind, and then realizing that it’s either not time yet, or never going to happen, or the Lord has other plans. But in the end that’s what I long for whatever He wants. Even if I have to cut out the passions that rage so widely inside my heart, or the dreams that I have to tranquilize just so I can take my next breath. Even if all that I desire has to be laid down and forgotten…He is still good.

It seems the song ‘Blesses be your name” never seems to escape being played in our churches, yet every time we sing it, it comes back to me with new and revived meaning…’when I’m found in the desert place, blessed be Your name’.

I love the Lord, with all I am, and even now as He asks me to lay down things I know He has placed in my heart I trust Him, because He is good, and He knows best…

Even when it hurts….really…really badly.

My Aging Regret...

So I think I think to much…case and point.

This past week at Veteran camp I had to walk through some very hard teachings. Things that dealt with very charismatic teachings, the ideas of ‘glory dust’, literal visits to heaven, 50k gems falling out of the sky; like I said, very complicated teachings if you haven’t grown up in these circles.

What I found myself thinking after being overwhelmed by such teaching, is what I learned in my first few days in Bible College, “Let God shape your theology, not the other way around.” I have never desired to be the person who doesn’t accept anything because I think it’s too easy to find a flaw in things and criticize them until I’m convinced of my position. But at the same time I do not desire to wholly accept everything that comes down the pipe, because as we all know that would be oh so foolish, because while I wish it weren’t this way, heresy is much too common. So I will wrestle with what took place, but I don’t wish to dwell on that for this post.

One thing that was brought up this past week was the idea of being like a child. It’s in the Bible where Jesus asks us to be like them, but what does that mean? When I think of a child, I see them wholly loving their father, as though he can do no wrong. “My dad could beat up your dad”, “My dad is superman”, “My dad can do anything.” They just want to be abandoned to their fathers will, spend time with him, listen to him talk and tell stories, go for walks. That child would do anything to be with their father. It continues in an all out trust, where the child believe that there can be no literal harm coming to them when they are resting within the arms of their pops. Think about it, can you remember a time when you were sacred and you ran down the hall screaming for your father to come and rescue you form whatever shadow was moving on the wall?

It’s so interesting to think about for my relationship with my Heavenly Father. How often do I have a completely abandoned trust to him? How often do I wish to be apart of his life, doing whatever He asks? I can remember my dad asking me to find him a hammer, and then racing to go find it because he asked me. I like to think of David when he was racing with complete abandoned toward Goliath, knowing full well that his Father was watching out for Him. David was safe in his Fathers arms. What about the time when Moses was on the shore of the Red Sea? Was he not completely consumed, entirely trusting and hoping that his Father would be there for him? I can just imagine being in that vulnerable position on the shore, eyes damp with tears, knowing full well that I needed Him, my Father to help me do this.

I long to be that child again. I want to be in a place where I don’t stop and analyze a situation three different ways before taking the first step. I want to be rushed with excitement the moment my Father asks me to do something for Him. I want to be completely secure in all His promises, wholly trusting anything that is from Him. Father, my cry is that I would be like a child, safe and joyful in Your arms, ready and willing to do all you require with me.

Let’s go for a walk…

Learning to Love Heartbreak…

This summer on the Admissions team for FGBC has been such a wonderful opportunity. I have been placed on a team with a lot of loving people, all whom share the same heart for the college. It has been exciting to watch each of us walk through our unique journeys and be there to help each other out during the times when it is deemed necessary.

The Lord is good seems to be the phrase on my heart for this season, He seems to be revealing to me how He provided for all my needs and more. It can be at time very humbling to watch as my Father takes care of my not only my needs but often my desires. I find myself in prayer more often than ever before because He has taken me to a place of intimacy where He is my strength, my source, my identity.

Very recently though I have been faced with a situation I would a first glance choose to avoid; heartbreak. This idea was shoved into my face a little while back when I was hit with the realization that I would have to leave this college someday. The shock was overwhelming as I thought and pondered all the opportunities and relationships I would be missing out on. It was oh so frustrating as I felt that the Lord was taking me away from those desires I know He placed in my heart.

Thankfully for me the confusion was there only a brief moment as I had wisdom placed before me by my father. “Greg, you put you heart into everything you do so when the Lord takes you away from the current place you are in it’s going to hurt. This is a good thing because it shows you care. But don’t dwell on the fact that your heart is broken and things are shifting and changing, dwell on the fact that the Lord is taking you into the even greater things He has planned for you.”

These words made sense to me and helped calmed my heart as it had began to race into the unknown. He’s in control and in order to move me into the next plans He has for me I’ll have to walk through that heartbreak. It’s a common theme in my life now that I have the perspective needed to view it. And even though it still hurts and brings floods to my eyes and aches to my heart, I’m blessed with the fact that this is a good thing, and that I’m being prepared for the next leg of my journey. This is how I’m learning to love heartbreak.

Well I Guess It Was Fathers Day...

I have been blessed to be home for this Father’s Day weekend and spend some time with my family in the midst of one of my closest friends weddings. During this weekend I encountered a lot of things; unconditional love, a desire to ride a bull, a desire to sell those bulls I ride, a desire to always be in the midst of community, and my unnatural ability to beat my brother Luke in a wrestling match.

But this Sunday is a day for Fathers. A day which unlike mothers day is often over looked. It’s a day committed to fathers, but so many of us have been left, abandoned or burned by our fathers can you really blame them for being slightly apathetic to the idea of celebrated this scarred sect of men?

Throughout my life I can remember days where I have really had an opportunity to sit back and reflect on the blessings the Lord has laid upon me, and today being like any other day was one of them. Today I was thankful, as I am everyday, for my Father.

Growing up I always felt I had to make my father proud, to prove myself for him by getting excellent grades, competing in sports, living a moral lifestyle, and doing things well. I can remember the moment like it was yesterday that my father, at a service at Street invaders when I was nineteen found me in the back of the service and told me he was proud of. “I’ve waited nineteen years to hear those words” I sobbed to him. My father for me is a man I am so proud to know and honored to share in his family. He never had a father to teach him the ways of fathering, so he is in some ways flying by the seat of his pants. I love the fact that he is learning on the fly and is not afraid to admit when he makes mistakes. I love that fact that his occupation, Executive Director of Apostolic youth Ministries, gives him the opportunity to be a father to so much more. I love that fact that he is always looking out for me, reads my blogs without letting me know, and prays for me on a daily basis.

I want to thank you, Lawrence Elwood Moore, for your constant input, leadership, guidance, support, and love in my life. I am truly honored to call myself your son, and I cannot wait to spend the rest of my life wearing that title proudly. You are a wonderful man of the Lord and if it wasn’t for your example day in and day out of how to live my life for the Lord, I would not be who I am in this moment, and I will not be who I become in the future, for our Fathers glory. Thanks dad.

Turning Point

These past years I have gone through quite a transformation. I feel comfortable in my own skin, so at home. It’s as though after all these years I have finally grasped what the Lord had planned for me, and I have embraced myself I suppose. These past few years the Lord showed me what He could do through me if I let Him take my fears, my insecurities, my hopes, my dreams, and my desires.

But it wasn’t always this way. I can very vividly remember growing up in my loving home, church, and community, watching people live their lives with all sorts of different intensity. I can recall going to Pembina gospel camp where the Lord ignited Himself within me, finally revealing to me that He was not the God of my Father, but He wanted to be my God. I can remember that day so clearly, because it was a huge turning point in my walk. After that week I have never looked back in my walk with the Lord. But at the same time I have not always looked forward. The following years were all ‘good’, I did ‘good’ things, didn’t get into too much trouble, and I lived my life the best I could for Him. But I again can remember walking the halls of my high school knowing I was called to be someone more confidant, more bold, more loving, more fearless. It was stirring within me and the opinions of people would keep that longing caged in as I watched myself live this ‘good’ life. In no way did I want to live this ‘good’ life, because there was so much more He had for me, but at the same time it was safe. That safety is something I held onto very tightly growing up. I created this huge archetype for who I am and lived within the safety of its walls. That was until He broke it down and called me out.

I can’t pin point when it happened, but it was more like a process, and now in this skin I feel alive. I feel as though I find my strength, my ability in Him. He is my every thought, my every breath. In discovering this and arriving at this place I have watched the Lord draw out that longing to be bold and fearless that laid dormant for so many years. I can’t recall how many times I had to tell people this year that I wasn’t always this outgoing and bold. They would seem shocked to learn that within the past few years I had walked into who I now am. It was as if what was driving me was no longer fear, but that it was love, mercy, grace, and thankfulness. I now love to dream - always did - but now I can believe those dreams to come true. Some days I feel as though nothing can stop me, because we are running together, and as I find my refuge in Him we will continue to turn the pages on this unfolding adventure. Yes I am still walking through this everyday, and in no way is everyday perfect. It’s a process but it’s oh so exciting to be apart of.

The reason I am writing about this today is I recently have been in conversation with someone who has walked through the same thing. They used to be timid and shy, and now you would call them a liar for even speaking the words. Something shifted in this person’s life when they had an encounter with the Lord, and if you were to meet this person you can tell something is different about them.

My thoughts are this; is this common thing to walk through? How many of us desire to embrace who we are made to be at any cost? Does fear hold us back and make us retreat to safety, chaining us to the mediocrity of our lives, while we always dream about how we could have gone further if only we could break these walls? Is this a common experience, or is it rare? Do many share this longing or is it only a rare experience. I feel as though I have done a 180. Paul’s life did a 180 when he encountered Christ, and in some ways I can relate with his story. I’m longing to know what you guys think, and I know this is going to take some honesty perhaps, but I genuinely desire to know, if there are more people out there waiting to embrace all He has for them.

Nathan's Praying...Again

So I am completely blessed today (along with every other day) the sun has returned from its slumber and is beckoning me to forget my responsibilities and entertain it. I won’t though, it’s destined to return again, and then we will embrace each other all the daylong when it does.

Today’s thoughts come from another experience of mine, this time it involves prayer. Throughout my life prayer has been something that the Lord has been walking me through, developing and teaching me, and in no way have I ‘figured it out’ but I have discovered something that begs a question. But first a little history from my end about prayer.

Last year I had the glorious opportunity to intern under AYMI a youth organization, with the internship stressing leadership. It was a life changing experience, as it seems everything is that I’m walking through these days. My roommate for the year was a one Nathan Densely, who challenged me with the concept of prayer as we lived in our dilapidated apartment in downtown Calgary, so close to a crack house we had to wipe the dust off our counters daily (facetious). What this man taught me all year was that there was power in prayer, something that I struggled to recognize earlier on in my life. I could always find him down on his face before the Lord as he cried out to Him at all hours of the night.

Well the Lord is beginning to walk me toward similar waters. I have this huge desire to fall deeper in love with Him, spend more time with and grow our relationship. What I’m finding is that when I pray, I often have real conversations with Him, as though I can see Him there with me, face to face. I use words that I use everyday, as if speaking to my father.

Now when I’m faced with the idea of a prayer meeting, I usually find it hard to be motivated because I am faced with what seems like a ritualistic type of prayer. I am put in a room with however many people and we will either pray what is on our hearts with our heads bowed and eyes closed or we will take turns in a circle. Please understand I am in no way complaining or attempting to view this type of prayer in a negative light. What I am doing is asking the question, where is that passionate prayer that brings me to my feet, and makes me yell with intensity? Where did the idea of this structured prayer, this very seemingly traditional prayer come from?

I have been to many different places in my brief existence and nothing is more motivating then when someone pours out their hearts to the Lord. I’m asking this because I myself do it. I can notice a distinct difference with my interaction with the Lord when I’m around my close co-workers, on my own or in a prayer meeting.

Do you have any thoughts on where this developed from, and perhaps your own experiences with the idea of praying, where your at with the idea, and how you go about doing it. I would love to have your input, because really I just want to know some different perspectives.

This Necessary Contraption

I was a part of a conversation the other night when us recruitment kids were discussing this current generation of young adults, and how they depend so heavily on the internet. Now coming from the city I do – Calgary – where WIFI is being installed on all the buses so you no longer have to wait that extra half an hour to check your email, I had discovered I had some thoughts on the subject.

Ever since I can remember I have been around the Internet. Well that is not exactly true, I do remember a time in my young life where I would hover around my fathers old prehistoric black and white Apple with the rest of the children in my Sunday school and play a game know as ‘The Ancient Art of War’ a terrible war simulation game that somehow entertained us for the few minutes after church had ended before we were rushed out of the building. But when I think about it, the Internet has been apart of our lives for just about 10 years. We’ve grown up with it and have watched it evolve from its plain past to the dizzying media display it currently entertains us with. Try and imagine for a moment what your life would be like without the Internet. There would be no more questions answered by a simple Google search. How many time have you wanted the answer to a question that was pecking at your mind, wandered over to your computer and within 10 minutes found relief to that nagging thought? There would be no more instant communication other than that of the telephone or the pen on paper. I’m sure this would be a benefit for some people, even myself in some ways, as the skills of letter writing would once again be widespread. But what you would not have is days spent messaging your friends from all over the globe, electronic mail transferring files and messages at all times in the day. You would not find the interesting images and movies from all over the globe about history, people, current event and the like. No up to date sports or news. But at the same time it would be much more difficult to stumble across the filth that is pornography and all sorts of other evils that plague the Internet.

Think about the places this contraption has taken us in the past and where it is taking us in the future. What would your life be like without the Internet? Would you be reading more books, watching more television, spending more time outside? Would you be the social butterfly you have become, would you have as many surface level friendships and with the same breath would you have as deep friendship so quickly? Would your relationship with that guy or girl be strained because of the difficult communication? We live in a day and age where we cannot help but be affected in some way by this giant that is the Internet. What would your life be like without it? And how can we harness this machine’s potential to develop our world and ourselves? A lot has changed in 10 quick years, imagine what you’ll be surfing in fifty.

Wal-Mart Special

With my time for writing seemingly disappearing during recruitment and the Stanley Cup playoffs, I have been tempted to fill this page with things that did not tweak my interest or heart for that matter. I have resisted and unbeknownst to me found myself getting side swiped of all places at Wal-Mart in Moose Jaw.

We were traveling around town looking for the big W, and after exploring its contents for a while were getting ready to leave. Before we left the female members of the team had to check one last section leaving Craig and myself to entertain ourselves. We heard a jingle coming from a box hanging off the shelf and decided to further investigate. Turns out it was one of those boxes full of nature sounds, work out music and classical hits, where you press the button and get a small sample of the musical treats inside. Craig played a song from Avril Lavigne, who lyrics spouted off, “she said see ya later boy, he wasn’t good enough for her…” Having heard this countless times before I thought nothing much of it until I replayed the lyric in my head prompting the question…who decides who is ‘good enough’ for another person?

I had a tough time thinking about it because I’ve thought it so many times before. I have noticed a developing relationship and thought that one person was not good enough for the other. Why was this? Well it was probably a judgment based on past choices or circumstances, current choices and lifestyles, personality, attitude, or any other number of things. I am sure many of us have considered these thoughts before but are they to be validated? Should we allow ourselves to categorize each other into classes, when we are all seen as equals in the eyes of Christ? To me it seems so odd, but it is almost like a pattern in life, where certain sections of people date certain sections of other people. I can have discussions where people will bring up the idea of having romantic feelings for someone but submitting them to the trash because that person sees there self as being unwilling to measure to the one having caught their eye or heart. I cannot seem to comprehend where this type of thinking developed, but I have to admit it has infected my thinking.

Another thought that came out of this thought was, without censoring my presumptions and judgments, why is it that certain people end up dating or marrying when one member of the party doesn’t seem to -for lack of a better term – measure up? In my very brief existence I have unfortunately run across a very common theme, where young women seem to be very self conscious and insecure of themselves. I wish it could be otherwise, but I have encountered so many deflating stories to believe it to be otherwise. Now what I have noticed is that a man may come into a young women’s life and make her feel beautiful and wonderful like the princess she is and was born to realize and they will fall in love. But I think to myself that person deserves ‘better’. Shame on me and my skewed views. Is it not my own selfishness that would wish for someone to be with someone else for MY own happiness? Or do I genuinely care for both individuals and want the best for both? It is a fine line that seems impossible to see and perhaps harder to walk. What I am learning is there are no rules to love, no prerequisites, perhaps just circumstance, maybe destiny, maybe a little bit of both. I know so little on the subject it is humbling, but I thought I would share this thought of self-discovery.

We need to treat brothers and sisters of Christ with love and respect. I can feel so convicted when I catch myself placing people in certain tiers of respect. If this type of judgment is wrong I pray the Lord redeem my thoughts and cleanse my heart of such selfish desires. I would love your insight into the subject of viewing peoples choices in a relationship, whether you think it justified or not, let me hear your views of this unpredictable dance.

And Beauty Killed The Beast...

The delay has been necessary, but to ‘Your Thoughts’ we move.

It was some time ago now – and this seems to be for a lot of things – that I watched a film that moved me in a way I never thought it would. It involved the wildest of characters, a 30-foot gorilla and the women he loved. It was so strange to see the interaction between the two, having this woman who so longingly wished to leave and be anywhere but with the ape. Yet as time progresses in the film the woman sees something, some sort of value in this beast and she becomes visibly attached. I was mesmerized as I watched these two beings being tangled in emotions as they spent more and more time together. The were playing on frozen lakes, making each other laugh, and then when the time came to be separated the two would do anything it took to be back together. They would scale large buildings, sell off relationships that have existed for years, they would ruin any public image they had built, and sell any benefit for the other. What was this driving force behind their actions? Why would a person sacrifice all of who they are for something they can’t control? I watched and was convinced of this apes love for this woman. As he fell to his doom I was crushed from his loss. It was as if I had witnessed something that was perhaps not rare in its existence but rare in its expression. I left that theatre with the warm sensation of something that I so desperately desired. What was it? Was it love? Was it what William Shakespeare so poetically portrayed in his scripts that so entwine our thoughts centuries later? If this longing is so strong in us all, why can’t we go to our local convince store and buy a bottle or package of it? Perhaps we try with our affairs, drugs, lies and rebellion, but it never works out. One thing I find so interesting about the hit television show ‘The OC’ is that the main parental role in the show demonstrates a functioning loving relationship. Perhaps part of the shows draw is this ‘rare’ relationship, this unknown example of love between two people. Why is it that this love seems to be so unknown yet so longed for? We watch films like ‘Pride and Prejudice’ and love the fact that things turn out in the end perhaps so unexpectantly. Why is it that in this college in the second semester we can look around and watch, as a number of individuals seem to have come across this love? What is it in us that so seemingly longs for this love? We are perfectly loved by our heavenly Father, but even He said man shouldn’t be alone. Why do we long for it, search for it, kill for it, sacrifice for it, desire it, flee from it, fear it, lose sleep over it. Something is missing in our world in a big way. I’m not saying it is not there but it is suppressed wherever it is. I have discovered in this small yet never regrettable existence of mine that if I feel like asking a question then someone else somewhere else is thinking of asking it too. Why are there so many poor examples of how to love someone and with that why is it so hard to find and keep it? I’m not the only one asking, this picture says so.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/dearhajime/5963267/

Buck The Trend

I was recently watching a dramatic production, which incorporated bits of media, and on the screen flashed the question, “What makes great people great?” The question was posed as an interview to random people across the city where the movie was filmed. People listed money, circumstances, drive, power, family, and even God for reasons great people become great. I have never considered this before, and having been exposed to it I figured I would stop and dwell for a moment on the issue. What makes great people great? It is my personal belief that it has nothing to do necessarily with circumstances such as money specifically, but perhaps with recognition, or even circumstances such as loss, or trauma. I feel as though each one of us as people have the ability to become ‘Great”, but that greatness is only recognized within our own perspective of great. I would view the farmer who is obedient to God’s call and shares God’s love with the one person he was supposed to in his lifetime as an example of greatness. But these stories are so often missed, and replaced with the larger stories of greatness, such as those people whom fill stadiums of people all to come and hear their message of hope. I want to propose a change in perspective. Not a lessening in anyway of the term great, but a holistic recognition of what it was created to represent. To be great should be labeled to things, people and ideas./ that are truly great not just things worthy of making the news. Perhaps our elevation of the term great has kept it in a place so unreachable that we as humans have worn out in the struggle to grab it and make it our own. Greatness can be found in obedience, and in the struggle to do just that. Someone who can be considered great is someone who is willing to try, willing to fail also, but more importantly than both he is willing to try again. I find solace in the quote “Count it a blessing that you are such a failure, your second chance might never have come.”

With greatness now being defined, I hope we can notice that we can all become great. In a world filled with apathy, laziness, and self-fulfillment, all it takes is one person, perhaps you to buck the trend, grab hold of the reigns of your life and starting trying again. It is like the stories your teachers told when you were in school about not wasting your potential. Try to be obedient to the will of God, to what he has for you, to sacrifice your own pleasure for the betterment of His kingdom. Greatness is achievable, but only at a cost, a small cost or large depending on how you view your own ‘freedom’ but I beg of you to grab hold of your greatness we so often ignore and run. And when you fail, count it a blessing that you get just another opportunity to prove your greatness. Run, race and strive for all that you can be. Greatness is staring you in the eye asking you to pursue it. Don’t let yourself down. Buck the Trend.

But what do you think makes great people great?