Why Do I Do It?

I have been wrestling with numerous thoughts over the past month, and I intend to spill some of them here. Let me remind you that none of these are conclusions, just observations and thoughts that I am giving some attention.

What have I been saved from? I have heard the good news, about how He saved me from hell, how He died on the cross for my sins, and how we will live forever in heaven. Yet it’s this idea of grace that seems to baffle me. I am struggling with the idea of living a life for Christ that is without caution; a life that would demonstrate to the rest of the world and myself, the truth contained in God’s word. Yet what is holding me back? What keeps me shackled in place and reminds me that what I live right now is safe and altogether good?

A few Friday’s ago I had the chance to attend a gathering of fellow believers and witnessed as we all bled our hearts before the Lord, giving Him praise for the good He’s done in our lives. And then, when the service was over, we marched our designer tee’s and dry denim pants to the local restaurant to eat our fill as we enjoyed the rest of the evening.

My struggle comes in the form of my safety. How easy is it to worship God and praise His name for the blessings He’s giving me, and then turn all the focus back on myself as soon as I leave the building? Because what I am starting to realize is that in many ways, I love my faith because the way I live it - and the way it is presented to me- it seems nothing is required of me.

I think back in my brief life of all the struggles and hardships, and while there were some, for the most part I come up empty handed. And so I pray a prayer that is supposed to grant me eternal life, and then I am in. The idea of giving up anything for that gift is put off to the side, because after all it’s free right? At least that’s the way I have presented it to others.

And so as I watch my faith crumble in the eyes of North Americans I am left wondering where I went wrong. And at this moment I think it is the idea of grace. In my North American upbringing I have been given more than the rest of the world in almost every way, and when the idea of suffering comes along it is very much a foreign concept.

Another reason why my faith seems appealing, because God promises to take care of me.

But what grinds me even more, is the fact that I actually have believed the lie that I am good, or perhaps that I am not that bad. I have never physically murdered, been an adulterer, and I often open the doors for other people. And while I know I am struggling to communicate my innocence, the question rises up, “what have I been saved from?”

I am so thankful for the Lord saving me from hell, but in all honesty do I really believe I would have gone there in the first place? My society tells me to be an individual, to express who I am, and to take care of myself. Survival of the fittest. And the natural progression of this mindset leads me to the belief that I am my own god.

If we really dig deep and think hard, we will look around and see that our contemporary faith in North America seems strangely lacking to the claims of Christ. Where is this life changing faith Jesus of Nazareth seemed to live out so flawlessly? Why is Christianity seen as such an ‘evil and ignorant religion’ in the eyes of today’s society?

The hardest question that I see standing before me is, why do I not see a visible example of someone taking up their cross daily. Why isn’t someone out there displaying Christ in His manifest power?

The conclusion I come to is this; there is no need to risk anything for the sake of the gospel because we do not understand what we have been saved from. And without that recognition of being saved, that realization of His glory, then we will refuse to give up anything. If it costs me something, the only reason I am going to pay for it is if I believe in it.

Now I need to ask myself, do I truly believe in Jesus? And if so, how would I do in the circumstances of Abraham? Because, if what He says is true, the costs of following Him in my life are going to be just as great.

And if that’s the case, I am going to be needing a lot more convincing before I start giving up what I cherish so much; my safe, comfortable, nice, and completely lifeless religion that serves ME so well.

It’s time for a change, but it’s so hard to believe it…

So hard…