I woke up this morning with a sense of anxiety in my heart. It's becoming quite common now, but it's something I no longer want to be a part of. I find this anxiety comes from my lack of perspective, from a desire to need to be in control. I feel as though if I am the one in control than everything will at least play out in front of my eyes, and if I can see it happening then I can help shape it into the situation that I most desire.
This is honestly one of the greatest banes in my life. To live a life of trust, of abandonment to God in the areas I care about most in my life would be a dream come true. I can imagine giving up my biggest dreams, all my hopes and aspiration to the One who knows best. It's never an easy thing to do, but I will not rest until I see this transition take place.
I want nothing more than to never have to worry about those 'big' issues in my life. And the truth is I don't. I want to see my life lived in a way that is free, truly free, one that in many ways 'rolls' with the punches, seeing the Lord's hand even in what I don't understand.
He knows best. He knows best. He knows best. He knows best. He knows best.
I trust your promises....
I give you control...
I'm terrified....
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