Learning to Love Heartbreak…

This summer on the Admissions team for FGBC has been such a wonderful opportunity. I have been placed on a team with a lot of loving people, all whom share the same heart for the college. It has been exciting to watch each of us walk through our unique journeys and be there to help each other out during the times when it is deemed necessary.

The Lord is good seems to be the phrase on my heart for this season, He seems to be revealing to me how He provided for all my needs and more. It can be at time very humbling to watch as my Father takes care of my not only my needs but often my desires. I find myself in prayer more often than ever before because He has taken me to a place of intimacy where He is my strength, my source, my identity.

Very recently though I have been faced with a situation I would a first glance choose to avoid; heartbreak. This idea was shoved into my face a little while back when I was hit with the realization that I would have to leave this college someday. The shock was overwhelming as I thought and pondered all the opportunities and relationships I would be missing out on. It was oh so frustrating as I felt that the Lord was taking me away from those desires I know He placed in my heart.

Thankfully for me the confusion was there only a brief moment as I had wisdom placed before me by my father. “Greg, you put you heart into everything you do so when the Lord takes you away from the current place you are in it’s going to hurt. This is a good thing because it shows you care. But don’t dwell on the fact that your heart is broken and things are shifting and changing, dwell on the fact that the Lord is taking you into the even greater things He has planned for you.”

These words made sense to me and helped calmed my heart as it had began to race into the unknown. He’s in control and in order to move me into the next plans He has for me I’ll have to walk through that heartbreak. It’s a common theme in my life now that I have the perspective needed to view it. And even though it still hurts and brings floods to my eyes and aches to my heart, I’m blessed with the fact that this is a good thing, and that I’m being prepared for the next leg of my journey. This is how I’m learning to love heartbreak.

Well I Guess It Was Fathers Day...

I have been blessed to be home for this Father’s Day weekend and spend some time with my family in the midst of one of my closest friends weddings. During this weekend I encountered a lot of things; unconditional love, a desire to ride a bull, a desire to sell those bulls I ride, a desire to always be in the midst of community, and my unnatural ability to beat my brother Luke in a wrestling match.

But this Sunday is a day for Fathers. A day which unlike mothers day is often over looked. It’s a day committed to fathers, but so many of us have been left, abandoned or burned by our fathers can you really blame them for being slightly apathetic to the idea of celebrated this scarred sect of men?

Throughout my life I can remember days where I have really had an opportunity to sit back and reflect on the blessings the Lord has laid upon me, and today being like any other day was one of them. Today I was thankful, as I am everyday, for my Father.

Growing up I always felt I had to make my father proud, to prove myself for him by getting excellent grades, competing in sports, living a moral lifestyle, and doing things well. I can remember the moment like it was yesterday that my father, at a service at Street invaders when I was nineteen found me in the back of the service and told me he was proud of. “I’ve waited nineteen years to hear those words” I sobbed to him. My father for me is a man I am so proud to know and honored to share in his family. He never had a father to teach him the ways of fathering, so he is in some ways flying by the seat of his pants. I love the fact that he is learning on the fly and is not afraid to admit when he makes mistakes. I love that fact that his occupation, Executive Director of Apostolic youth Ministries, gives him the opportunity to be a father to so much more. I love that fact that he is always looking out for me, reads my blogs without letting me know, and prays for me on a daily basis.

I want to thank you, Lawrence Elwood Moore, for your constant input, leadership, guidance, support, and love in my life. I am truly honored to call myself your son, and I cannot wait to spend the rest of my life wearing that title proudly. You are a wonderful man of the Lord and if it wasn’t for your example day in and day out of how to live my life for the Lord, I would not be who I am in this moment, and I will not be who I become in the future, for our Fathers glory. Thanks dad.

Turning Point

These past years I have gone through quite a transformation. I feel comfortable in my own skin, so at home. It’s as though after all these years I have finally grasped what the Lord had planned for me, and I have embraced myself I suppose. These past few years the Lord showed me what He could do through me if I let Him take my fears, my insecurities, my hopes, my dreams, and my desires.

But it wasn’t always this way. I can very vividly remember growing up in my loving home, church, and community, watching people live their lives with all sorts of different intensity. I can recall going to Pembina gospel camp where the Lord ignited Himself within me, finally revealing to me that He was not the God of my Father, but He wanted to be my God. I can remember that day so clearly, because it was a huge turning point in my walk. After that week I have never looked back in my walk with the Lord. But at the same time I have not always looked forward. The following years were all ‘good’, I did ‘good’ things, didn’t get into too much trouble, and I lived my life the best I could for Him. But I again can remember walking the halls of my high school knowing I was called to be someone more confidant, more bold, more loving, more fearless. It was stirring within me and the opinions of people would keep that longing caged in as I watched myself live this ‘good’ life. In no way did I want to live this ‘good’ life, because there was so much more He had for me, but at the same time it was safe. That safety is something I held onto very tightly growing up. I created this huge archetype for who I am and lived within the safety of its walls. That was until He broke it down and called me out.

I can’t pin point when it happened, but it was more like a process, and now in this skin I feel alive. I feel as though I find my strength, my ability in Him. He is my every thought, my every breath. In discovering this and arriving at this place I have watched the Lord draw out that longing to be bold and fearless that laid dormant for so many years. I can’t recall how many times I had to tell people this year that I wasn’t always this outgoing and bold. They would seem shocked to learn that within the past few years I had walked into who I now am. It was as if what was driving me was no longer fear, but that it was love, mercy, grace, and thankfulness. I now love to dream - always did - but now I can believe those dreams to come true. Some days I feel as though nothing can stop me, because we are running together, and as I find my refuge in Him we will continue to turn the pages on this unfolding adventure. Yes I am still walking through this everyday, and in no way is everyday perfect. It’s a process but it’s oh so exciting to be apart of.

The reason I am writing about this today is I recently have been in conversation with someone who has walked through the same thing. They used to be timid and shy, and now you would call them a liar for even speaking the words. Something shifted in this person’s life when they had an encounter with the Lord, and if you were to meet this person you can tell something is different about them.

My thoughts are this; is this common thing to walk through? How many of us desire to embrace who we are made to be at any cost? Does fear hold us back and make us retreat to safety, chaining us to the mediocrity of our lives, while we always dream about how we could have gone further if only we could break these walls? Is this a common experience, or is it rare? Do many share this longing or is it only a rare experience. I feel as though I have done a 180. Paul’s life did a 180 when he encountered Christ, and in some ways I can relate with his story. I’m longing to know what you guys think, and I know this is going to take some honesty perhaps, but I genuinely desire to know, if there are more people out there waiting to embrace all He has for them.