Turning Point

These past years I have gone through quite a transformation. I feel comfortable in my own skin, so at home. It’s as though after all these years I have finally grasped what the Lord had planned for me, and I have embraced myself I suppose. These past few years the Lord showed me what He could do through me if I let Him take my fears, my insecurities, my hopes, my dreams, and my desires.

But it wasn’t always this way. I can very vividly remember growing up in my loving home, church, and community, watching people live their lives with all sorts of different intensity. I can recall going to Pembina gospel camp where the Lord ignited Himself within me, finally revealing to me that He was not the God of my Father, but He wanted to be my God. I can remember that day so clearly, because it was a huge turning point in my walk. After that week I have never looked back in my walk with the Lord. But at the same time I have not always looked forward. The following years were all ‘good’, I did ‘good’ things, didn’t get into too much trouble, and I lived my life the best I could for Him. But I again can remember walking the halls of my high school knowing I was called to be someone more confidant, more bold, more loving, more fearless. It was stirring within me and the opinions of people would keep that longing caged in as I watched myself live this ‘good’ life. In no way did I want to live this ‘good’ life, because there was so much more He had for me, but at the same time it was safe. That safety is something I held onto very tightly growing up. I created this huge archetype for who I am and lived within the safety of its walls. That was until He broke it down and called me out.

I can’t pin point when it happened, but it was more like a process, and now in this skin I feel alive. I feel as though I find my strength, my ability in Him. He is my every thought, my every breath. In discovering this and arriving at this place I have watched the Lord draw out that longing to be bold and fearless that laid dormant for so many years. I can’t recall how many times I had to tell people this year that I wasn’t always this outgoing and bold. They would seem shocked to learn that within the past few years I had walked into who I now am. It was as if what was driving me was no longer fear, but that it was love, mercy, grace, and thankfulness. I now love to dream - always did - but now I can believe those dreams to come true. Some days I feel as though nothing can stop me, because we are running together, and as I find my refuge in Him we will continue to turn the pages on this unfolding adventure. Yes I am still walking through this everyday, and in no way is everyday perfect. It’s a process but it’s oh so exciting to be apart of.

The reason I am writing about this today is I recently have been in conversation with someone who has walked through the same thing. They used to be timid and shy, and now you would call them a liar for even speaking the words. Something shifted in this person’s life when they had an encounter with the Lord, and if you were to meet this person you can tell something is different about them.

My thoughts are this; is this common thing to walk through? How many of us desire to embrace who we are made to be at any cost? Does fear hold us back and make us retreat to safety, chaining us to the mediocrity of our lives, while we always dream about how we could have gone further if only we could break these walls? Is this a common experience, or is it rare? Do many share this longing or is it only a rare experience. I feel as though I have done a 180. Paul’s life did a 180 when he encountered Christ, and in some ways I can relate with his story. I’m longing to know what you guys think, and I know this is going to take some honesty perhaps, but I genuinely desire to know, if there are more people out there waiting to embrace all He has for them.